is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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