I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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