Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
