God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
