your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
