My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
