I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
jump out the window naked night went bad
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
