Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
