Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
