sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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