I puked a lego.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
