I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
