Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
