That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
