i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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