when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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