I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we're making bets on your personal life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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