love makes seman taste better
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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