i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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