So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
