I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
