well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
