no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
