I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize