Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
