went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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