nut hugger
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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