yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
