I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize