I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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