Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
