I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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