Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
