So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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