she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
