Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
