please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
