Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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