do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
