my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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