I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
