So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
