dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i came on her dog
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
not ubering you a puppy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
