so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
