Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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