I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
