Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
