You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
