i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
