Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
