Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
