Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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