I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
