I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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