I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
