I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
