My room smells like vodka and shame
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
