Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this beer tastes like vomit already
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
