just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
