hotel room ftw
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
