Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
