I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
