My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
