why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
