based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
