If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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