we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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