so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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