i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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