Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
