Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
