Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize