Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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