We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
