Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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