...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
