I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
